The Big Fish Off
The alarm went off and it was still dark outside. I could hear the wind howling at the bedroom window. I opened my eyes and remembered what day it was. It was the 14th of February and I knew what this meant. Not Valentines Day, but the Valentines Day massacre. It was the BIG fish off between myself and female fly fishing ace- Jacqui Mock. It was a feature that was been run for Total Fly Fisher, and everything was at stake! It was the final decider. Who were the better anglers? Male or female. Would testosterone out fish pheromone? It was left down to me to prove the long awaited answer. Men- surely!
The day started with my usual 5 mile warm up run and visit to the local gym. I had been in training for months for this day. Id gained twenty pounds in weight and was in peak condition. Running, casting, fishing and gym work. You name it I put myself through it. The workout had got me in the right frame of mind and I felt like Rocky. I had the eye of the tiger!
I got back home, and before I hit the shower I decided to run through my kit again. Cleaning my lines for the hundredth time and checking my leaders and flies to make sure everything was perfect. I was leaving nothing to chance. Downing six raw eggs I checked the barometer, the air pressure and temperature were stable. The adrenaline was pumping and I was ready!
Well something like that anyway! It started off with me finding I had no milk left to stick in my brew. Id got up late and still hadn’t sorted through any of the kit I was going to take for the day. Nothing quite like been a pro. Always prepared. So prioritising myself, I took a quick jog across the shops to pick up a pint of milk and grabbed a few bags of Scooby snacks for later. I met up with Jax who was already complaining that she hadn’t had her morning cuppa. So having to multitask, I sorted through my tackle and made us drink. My mobile went and it was Pete Tyjas. I thought that he was phoning to wish me luck and to give me a few last minute tips. But instead he had got devastating news! Wellard & Scott had run out of chocolate hob-nobs! The guys were suffering.
We had arranged to meet up with Tim Smith from TFF at the W&S showroom. The weather was lovely. It was a crisp and sunny winter’s day. It might have been warm if it wasn’t for the freezing north-easterly that was whistling around our ears. Our destination was high on Bodmin moor. A stunning little fishery called Temple Fishery. If you didn’t know it was a commercial fishery, you could quite easily mistake it for a wild moorland lake. The lake that we opted to fish was of course the one with the strongest, coldest wind blowing onto it. Oh well, that’s show biz for you.
My first cast was awesome. A stunning loop fired into the teeth of the wind. I slowly twitched back my natural looking big hairy orange thing that Pete told me were all the rage down here. With every twitch I heard his voice in my head. “Let it sink n rip it back in”, “they love it”. The result of the cast brought me nothing. Saying that neither did the second, third, fourth or fifth. In fact two hours later I was still flogging away with his choice pattern. No wonder he was laughing as we pulled off from the depot. It was my own fault for forgetting to pick up his stash of hob-nobs on the way down.
Jax had opted to use an intermediate line with a team of black tadpoles. She was also struggling to find the fish. So biting the bullet we headed into the teeth of the wind. After about an hour of casting, shivering and stalking along the banks, the wind eased and things began to warm up nicely. Within minuets, I turned around and saw Jax bent into a fish! But to my relief she was only snagged on the bottom. She managed to release the fly and made another cast. Bang, her rod bent over again. Lucky! This time the tip of the rod was bouncing and I knew she was on the way to landing the first fish of the day. It was a real shame when it came off about three feet from the bank. I wasn’t quite quick enough with the landing net. HA!
Whilst she was untangling her leader, I decided to sneak into her swim. I had got rid of Petes orange guaranteed catcher and changed over to a team of small spiders and tadpoles. I cast 45° to the wind and let the team of flies swing around. Within seconds I was into a fish and after a short tussle it was in the net. Tim took a few shots for the mag and by this time Jax was back and busy casting away again in MY swim. It didn’t take her long to latch into another fish. This time things were good to her and she banked her first fish. This went on for an hour or so. First I caught, then she caught.
By early afternoon I had caught and landed my limit. Jax was still hammering away, determined not to let the female race down. She changed swims a few times and fell into the lake once. Now that’s dedication for you. I just sat around laughing and winding her up. But then it happened. She hooked into the biggest fish of the day. I knew it would be close. As Jax was busy playing the fish, and as I was busy trying to knock it off with the landing net, I noticed a couple of happy crows bouncing around on the far bank. I knew exactly what was happening. They had spotted our fish in the margins and decided to pop over for a fish eye surprise.
Once in the landing net and the obligatory photos taken we walked back around to pick up the remains of our other fish. Just as we suspected, the crows had pinched all the eyes out of them. I knew by looking at the size of the fish that the weigh in would be close. What I would have given to have the extra weight of those eyes! We all laughed and joked about the saga whilst walking back to the lodge. I think the laughing and joking was more out of nerves. After all, the whole male gender relied on the weight of those eyes.
We finally arrived back at the lodge some five minuets later. We were welcomed with a warm brew and the fishery owner began to zero the scales for us. I went first! Like a heavy weight boxer, my catch rolled in at 6lb 12oz. I took a sigh and looked at Jax as she began to place her fish on the scales. I was busy rummaging around on the floor for a stray m&m that I had dropped when her last fish hit the tray. But I smelt the victory. 6lb 10oz!! Get in! Male domination! Id managed to beat her by 2oz. I was grinning from ear to ear.
My victory was soon short lived when Jax commented to me that she was glad that a man had finally realised that size does matter. Even in victory a female still has the knack of managing to have the last say. I would just like to thank Jacqui and Tim for the enjoyable day. Unlucky Jacqui, maybe next time ay! Oh yeah, I remember now that she beat me last week when we went out with Pete to fly fish for carp. That means it’s a draw. Maybe we will never know which sex rules the rod. All’s that I know is I’ll keep trying in the name of science.
